WILL YOU LEAD ME, MA?
27 July 1991
Was supposed to have left for Bombay, but due to heavy rains and cancellation
of trains had to return to the Mandir.
During the evening Satsang, Ma asked me to sing. I sang " Sham piya mori
rang de chunariya, bina rangaaye main to ghar ko na jaaoongi." In this
bhajan, the devotee implores the Lord, to colour one in His own colour, ie. To
make one a true devotee. The devotee continues that she will not go home until
the Lord accedes to her request.
After my bhajan, Ma sang: "Giridhar Naagar aajaa, Brij-raaja, khelan
ham-sang holi, Meera ke Prabhu-aa, khelan aankh mein cholee, Meera ke
Here, the devotee beseeches the Lord to come and play, holi and hide-and-seek
It seemed like Ma's song was a continuation to mine.
I went up to Ma and told her in her ear: "Will you lead me Ma, will you
lead me to Him….Or will you lead me to someone who will lead me to Him?"
Ma said: "I promise… we will go hand in hand. Ghantee bajegee aur hum
saath chalengey (The bell will ring and we will go together) "I don't know
why, but I have said it, we are mother and daughter, two sisters together, I
will hold your hand and we will go together."
Then she cried: "I have only loved the Lord….I told Him I will be your
slave, (with an impish smile, she continued), I will also be holy (for His
sake)". Then she said "I can't help loving Him"
Ma continued, that since 1949, meditation had been part of her breath. Once
someone left, and because she was disturbed it stopped. That made her unhappy.
Some disciples asked Ma, why she did not ask the Lord to get rid of her
Ma re-iterated "Doesn't He know?"
Ma had surrendered and her joy could not be expressed. But such things she
said, should not be talked about, otherwise they would stop. Dadaji had not
believed in 'hush hush' yet about his own experiences, he would not talk
much. Ma mischievously added that Dadaji was very 'chalaak' (smart).
Ma said "During meditation, people think of material things, but I
cannot stop remembering Him"(meaning God).
Ma said to me: "God bless you, Thakur bless you. We need each other.
Ma was in 'Bhaav Samaadhi' and during those times, she used to be partly on
A DISCOURSE ON THE RAMAYAN
The discourse that Ma gave this evening was based on the Ramayana.
After Sri Ram had been banished to the forest, his brother Bharat followed
him there to coax him to return to Ayodhya as the rightful heir to the throne.
However, there was a problem. If Sri Ram returned to Ayodhya, his father
Dashrath could not fulfill the promise which he had given to his wife
Kaikeyi; If Bharat remained in the forest and Laxman returned, it would
not be agreeable to the latter, and again would not appease Kaikeyi's demand.
Finally, the problem was solved by Bharat saying to Sri Ram: "The solution
lies in me, making thy will, mine!"
Ma added: "The best way to pray, is to say to the Lord: "Let thy
will be done, not mine!" Ma continued: "Change difficulties into
opportunities. Joy and sorrow will come, rise above both."
Later during the evening, we went upstairs, to offer our pranaams.
I asked her: "When will you call me?"
She said: "Soon, or I will come to Bombay."
I said: "Ma, you once said that we were connected in our last 'janam'.
She said: "Yes, very close."
I asked her: "Will you tell me how?"
She said, "Yes, when the time comes" and then added, "it is
such a joy to see you".
I put her hands close to my eyes, and felt blessed.
I told her to look after me and mine, and added "Looks like I am dealing
better with my attachments."
She said: "Yes, they (attachments) are loosened.
I said: "Look after me, bless me".
She said: "God bless us both"
21 NOV 1991
I told Ma: "I have been meditating for so many years….so much is
happening outside (meaning, I lecture, sing, write books etc), But nothing is
Ma said: "Since the last 2 years that I have known you, there is a great
change, so speak about something else".
When I told Ma that my daughter Anuja had prayed for her health, Ma said that
that was why, she was probably better".
About Anuja's studies, she said: "Anuja is an intelligent girl, she will
do well." (Anuja has subsequently done very well in her studies)
I told Ma: " I feel so guilty talking about petty things when you are
going through so much!"
Ma said: "You see my Body pains, but you do not see the Bliss I enjoy
and the Grace".
21 Nov 1991
Ma had been unwell, so went to visit her. I told my daughter Anuja:
"Ma prayed for you when you were unwell, now you pray for her."
When my husband heard me saying that, he admonished: "What are you doing
here, you should go and visit her."
When I told Ma about this, She asked me to thank my husband for allowing me
to come and visit. Ma said: "Love always triumphs."
AMRIT VELA AASHRAM
Went to Khandaala. Ma was doing the Pran-pratishta (A ritual whereby a
priest generally infuses Life into the idols by means of mantras)
Ma said: "If you believe that the Stone is God, He will be there,
because He is everywhere".
About 'Pran Pratishta' I asked Ma: "Is'nt 'pran pratishta' infusing
Ma answered me in the affirmative.
I told Ma about my own experience:
I had gone to Udaipur and from there to Chittor where my main aim was to pay
obeisance in Meera's (One of the great devotees of Lord Krishna) temple.
At Chittor garh, I kept imploring the guide to show me the temple first as I
was afraid that it might close at noon. The tourist guide kept re-assuring me
that the temple never closes.
When we reached the temple, it was closed!!! I was almost in tears! I
mentally cried out to Krishna. I said to Him, "I refuse to believe that my
desire to see the temple was not straight from my heart, so why are You playing
with my emotions!
The guide felt sorry for me, he tried to make me feel better, by
telling me that the real Idol was not in this temple but in Udaipur Palace in
the Queen's private collection!
Needless to say, that bit of information did not make me feel an iota better.
After all it was a long drive to Udaipur and from thence we were driving off for
Ahmedabad the following morning.
To top it all, the queen was NOT my personal friend, so how would I get
access to her private collection to see Meera's Giridhar!!!
It seemed an impossibility! But Ma believes that miracles do still
happen, and it did for me. I somehow got to see Meera's Giridhar, and I even got
flowers that had touched His feet. The priest gave it to me claiming that he did
not know why he was so doing.
I strewed the petals of Krishna into my 200 page Bhajan Book. (The note book
that contained my favourite hymns, prayer songs).
When later I opened my note book, wonder of wonders!! Most of the petals had
fallen into the three songs penned by Meera!
It was like Krishna had assured me that He was indeed Meera's Giridhar,
Her Beloved Krishna.
When I completed my narration, Ma said: "That happened to re-assure
25 April 1990
Ma hugged and kissed me and said: "I often think of
I felt naughty, so I said: "I have a photograph of you on my bed-side,
maybe that is why you think of me", to which she replied that she would
think of me, even if I had no photograph of hers.
Ma then told us how once while meditating she had entered a dream that Dadaji
was experiencing at that time.
Ma spoke of Krishna with a naturalness that only comes natural with great
Ma said: "Krishna is not a gentleman. He does not treat you the way you
want…You have to dance to His flute…You want something, you do the 'Hanuman
Chalisa' or 'Shivji prayers'…"
Then she added: "I have seen Him…so exquisite, with a Blue Lotus in